Date:	2008-08-31 19:42
Subject:	Wishing I had better news to report
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted

  Hey guys. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Well, I've been around, just kind of lurking.   To put it lightly, the past few months, and especially the past few weeks have totally sucked. Let's review. If you don't feel like the long drawn out version, feel free to skip to the end.

25 years ago (Yeah, this whole thing goes back that far) my Mom had graves disease. One of the side effects of graves is your eyes change and kind of bug out of your head. In 2004 my mom had a choice of surgery to correct this. One was pretty extensive, involving shaving down the eye sockets as well as some other things. The other just took the fat deposits from behind your eyes so they go in further. Well, my mom took option two because the potential side effects (losing your sight, double vision, etc.) were a lot less with the second surgery than the first.

Cut to last fall. My mom started to see double. Double vision was in fact a side effect of the surgery, but we were all very surprised that it was happening so late after the surgery was preformed. After living with the double vision for a few months, she couldn't take it any more and saw a specialist in early spring. He said the eye muscles were fighting one another, and she would need to have surgery to correct it. Really the main cause of the double vision was unknown, but everyone kind of figured it was from the surgery. Also around this time, she started to have a pretty bad cough, of which we all attributed it to spring allergies, as well as some shortness of breath and just an all around feeling of being tired. Her doctor ordered a stress test as well as an echo. She failed both, and the doctors suspected a blockage in her heart. She went in to have angeoplasty (The procedure where they put a little balloon in your artery to open them back up) and they were sitting in the waiting room when a nurse came out and said "You are very anemic and there is something wrong with your kidneys, we can't preform this procedure until you get these things fixed." (Aha! So THAT is why she's so tired. Mind you, she's still coughing, and we're well into July at this point.)   So now we have to figure out what is making her anemic. She has a history of ulcers, so the first thing they did was preform an upper endoscopy to check her stomach for any bleeding. That came out all clear. She was still tired all the time, so   her doctor referred her to a sleep apnea doctor.

So this brings us up to Monday, August 11, the day she is supposed to see the sleep apnea doctor. My mom wakes up that morning, and he leg is all swollen. So she called her doctor, and he sent her to get an ultrasound of her leg. Well, she had a blood clot in her left leg that went from her groin to her ankle. (Did anyone know that could happen? I didn't.) So they admitted her to the hospital. Since she was already feeling so bad for so long, they decided they would run a bunch of tests to figure out why she wasn't feeling well. She had a few procedures while she was there, the most important of which was to put a filter at the base of her aorta to catch any blood clot that breaks loose and keep it from traveling to her lungs, brain or heart. The first test they did was a chest x-ray. Sure enough, it showed a tumor in her upper right lung. They did a biopsy, and the tumor was cancerous.

Here comes the sickeningly tragic/ironic part of the whole thing. The cancer is what is causing her cough, and her anemia, as well as the blood clot AND (this is the kicker) based on the location of the tumor, it is pressing down on some of her nerve endings, and causing (dun, dun, dun) DOUBLE VISION!!! Yeah. That's what we said, too.

She is stage 3B which means the cancer has spread to the middle of her lungs. She started a pretty intensive chemo/radiation therapy on Tuesday (Chemo once a week, radiation 5 days a week). We're at the beginning of a very long and scary road. It's hard to keep up with it all!

Anyway, I just wanted to give you guys and update, and apologize for not being around much. I hope all is well with you all, and I will keep you posted as best I can. I love you all!

Date:	2007-06-14 12:57
Subject:	Huh?!
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

The following exchange happened last night between me and my new.....crush. The one that makes me smile all the damn time.

Lou: You're incredible.
Me: Haha, why?
Lou: For a few reasons, 1. Because you make me smile like a fool all the time. 2. Everything I do now is based on us being together for a long time.
Me: Really?
Lou: Really really.

WHAT?!?!?! I honestly don't know what to think. We're not even really dating, we just like each other. What am I supposed to do? I mean, stuff like that makes me feel really good. But....is this guy for real?

WARNING: If you have not seen the latest episodes of Lost and/or Grey's Anatomy, and don't want to be spoiled, then DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!!

So, this week in Tiny TV was SO NOT GOOD!!! I mean, it was really really good. But at the same time, really really bad. You follow??

First off, on Lost this Wednesday, we find out Charlie is supposed to die. WTF?!?!? Des has been working really freaking hard at getting him to not die. What's with all this time travel bullshit? Why is he so far ahead? How did he get back on the island?? How did he get OFF the island? What's with the crazy lady in the ring store?? How come EVERY WEEK new questions come up?!?!!? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!!? Lost makes my head hurt.

And if Lost wasn't enough...on Thursday we have Grey's. You know, I think to myself..."Oh, Meradith is just going to get right out of the water and be fine." She can't actually die, right? RIGHT?!?! The namesake of the show can't just die, RIGHT?!?! Can I say that although I'm super upset that she woke up in the afterlife, I was SO excited to see Denny and Bomb Squad guy?? I *squee*d. Twice. I'm freaking out slightly that they say "Tune in next week to see the devistating conclusion to this years most shoking TV" Devistating??? It's not alowed to get devistating. Maybe they'll kill off Callie. I really wouldn't be devistated, but still. WTF Grey's?!!? Grey's makes my tummy hurt.

Lastly, since my head and tummy already hurt....I wake up this morning to news that the guys from my favorite reality TV show Dog the Bounty Hunter lost their extradition hearing and Dog, Leland and Tim Chapman have to go to Mexico and stand trial for 2003 charges of deprivation of liberty. Screw that shit, it's so not freaking fair!!! They face up to 4 years in a Mexican prison. And all they did was bring a sick sick man back to America and took him to jail. Gee, I'm sorry. Fuckers. This makes my heart hurt.

Ugh. I get way too involved in these sorts of things. I need a life.

On occation I get really excited for no real reason. Mostly because I'm just like that.

My sister just sent me a picture message, and I was going through the options (ie, reply. forward, save, ect.) and one of the options was "Save as ringtone" So basically, I can take videos with my phone, and make them my ring tones!!!!!

So when I'm in Florida next, I can take video of a parade, or a ride, or any other way cool thing and make it my ring tone!!!! Or I can take video of my favorite TV show and make it my ring tone....

Basically the possibilities are endless.....and I'm SO STINKING EXCITED!!!!

AND When my phone rings, the video I take is played on the front screen!!!!! How COOL is that?!?!?!?!

Date:	2007-01-26 13:47
Subject:	Cuddling with Superman
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused

Oh my goodness. Who watched Grey's Anatomy lastnight?!!?! HOLY CRAP! I literally had my hand firmly clasped to my mouth for the last 5 or so minutes of the show. AHHH! What a good episode!!! I LOVE IT!! After a slightly disappointing beginning to this season, they're really redeeming themselves. I can't get enough!

I'm getting ready for another fun-filled trip to Florida in a few weeks. I can't wait. I don't even really care if I go to Disney. I just want to see my sister. Its been almost four months since I last saw her, and I don't think I can deal anymore. I didn't think I could miss her this much. I mean, I always miss her, but right now....it's the worst it's ever been. I might just hug her and not let go. She might get annoyed. But I don't care.

On another note, I finally talked to Doug. He makes me so stressed out it's not even funny. He said what he needed to say. I wasn't at all prepared for what he needed to say, but I listened anyway. I'm still not ready to be his friend, but I think I'm ready to start evaluating what our friendship needs to be like in order for us to be on okay terms. Some people don't think I should even give him the time of day. Sometimes I think they're right. But I can't carry around that hate. I need to let it go. I need to forgive him in order to be okay, and be happy in whatever comes my way next. But I'm still really mad. I guess it'll take awhile to get over it.

I've taken up a new hobby; being silly. Somewhere over the past few years, I stopped being totally off the wall silly. I've started to do my stupid dances and songs again. Most of my sillyness came from my sister and I being together all of the time. I guess without her I'm just not that silly. But I'm trying to be silly on my own. Well, silly on my own with my friends. I don't just do my random dances alone, but I'm starting to open up my random dances with some friends and co-workers that I didn't used to let see me be like that. They think I'm funny. That makes me happy.

I had this totally random dream lastnight. I cuddled with Superman. But not actually superman...it was that Brandon Routh. And we just cuddled and went to sleep. Haha....I need a life. But seriously how random?! Oh well, it made me smile when I woke up. I got to cuddle with superman! ;-)

So I have been somewhat aware that I do a bit of mild hallusinating in my sleep. It gets worse when I have taken some sort of sleep-aid. Its never been really that bad, and I usually pass it off as just being a dream. Not last night. Lastnight was a tad different.

So usually these mild hallusinations come when I'm either a. Really tired (with or without the help of a sleep aid) or B. When I'm in a strange place. Which is usually with my sister, and results in my yelling either obsenities or total jibberish at her. Sometimes its mumbling which could be mistaken for snoring, and sometimes its a scream, as if in total panic.

I was alone lastnight. Which is a damn shame, because I'm sure it was a sight to behold! I was asleep. (Obvously) and much to my dismay, there were CATS in my room!!! (Mind you, there is no such animal that inhibits my house.....) So I start to scream at them (there are two) and LEAP from my bed. It must have scared them, because once I was out of my bed, I could no longer see them (gee, wonder why) so I screamed "WELL IF YOU'RE GOING TO HIDE, DON'T DO IT IN MY ROOM!!!!" to which I FLUNG open my bedroom door, climed back into bed, and went back to sleep.

I mean honestly......wtf?! Cats?!

Date:	2006-12-27 04:32
Subject:	Hard to explain.
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable

I'm so lost right now. I was so happy all day today because I am leaving for Nashville today.

But then Doug goes and ruined it. Tonight I basically made the official decision to completely cut him out of my life. He has made me cry for the last time tonight. I'm so done its charred, and there is nothing left to fight for in terms of a friendship with him. I'm sure becuse of how our group of friends exists that I will cross paths with him a lot (especially over the next year.) and I will be civil. But in terms of hanging out or chatting on a regular basis, I'm done. He is a toxic relationship and its not good. I'm done. Thats it, not much more to explain.

But it does make me feel kind of hollow.

Now I'm going to go pack and try to save what will hopefully end up being a fun little getaway.

Date:	2006-12-14 14:02
Subject:	Ahhh....
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy

December 14th and its 68 degrees outside. Nothing, NOTHING makes me happier.

Date:	2006-12-07 01:01
Subject:	I'm in LOVE
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

The more and more I fool around with this the more and more I love my new MacBook. No if's, and's or but's about it. I'm sticking with Mac for the rest of my life, and I haven't even been away from windows for a full 24 hours yet.

I am blown away by the simple use and feel of the MAC OS X Operating system. Everything just makes so much sence and is so easy to find. I have been to all of my daily websites and everything is exactly the same as it was on my pc, so I don't have to worry about missing out on anything (a natural fear I had when I was considering Apple) From the moment I pulled it out of the box I was in love. The white is just beautiful, and its so shiny and happy. And then I turned it on. Setup? What setup? Everything was ready. I made a user name, and it let me use me pre-existing iTunes account info and FILLED EVERYTHING ELSE OUT FOR ME! How friggin cool is that? Not to mention the wireless internet is out of control on this thing. It picked up at least 10 more user choices than on either on of the laptops here at home. Which is really exciting. I was really nervous about not being able to figure anything out, but really, I'm having no problems at all. Any problem I think I have gets solved in my head in less than 30 seconds, with a little common sence.


Gah! I just love it!!! Totally 100% hooked and not going back!

The ONLY thing so far that I don't like, is the edge of the laptop is a little sharp, and it makes a crease on my skin. But I'm sure i'll get used to it! I'm so happy!!!

Date:	2006-12-06 18:30
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy

As promised, I bought my new laptop today. I'm pretty much in love with it. (But not as much as I love my husband, don't get me wrong!)

Right now I'm just playing with everything and seeing what I might have questions on. So far, so good. I really like it!

Okay, thats pretty much it. I'm going to get back to playing around with it!

Date:	2006-12-05 12:40
Subject:	*Squee*
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

I'm buying a new laptop tomorrow. I'm so stinkin excited!

Buh-bye Windows! Helo MAC OS X!!!

I hope I like it! (I'm sure I will)

So I'm pretty much bored to tears here at work this morning. I know I'm pretty much not going to have many more mornings like this for the next few weeks but I can't help but wish I wasn't so bored! (Just for saying that I know I've cursed myself into having 100 or so rolls in the next half hour. ) For some reason the next few weeks leading up to Christmas is the busiest time of year, and my least favorite time. Its just really rough. I'll get through it tho, just like every year.

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving! Mine wasn't anything special really. My Aunt and Uncle joined me and my parents for the feast. The table was a little larger than I would have liked, but you never think that after all those years of bumping elbows and complaining about having to sit in a regular kitchen chair that I would have one whole side of the table to myself. Oh well. One highlight was I got a $200 gift certificate for Southwest Airlines. Pretty flippin sweet if you ask me!!

I'm making a list of Chrsitmas music that I'm not allowing myself to listen to this year. "I'll be home for Christmas" tops the list. More to come.

I cut off all of my hair. I got 5 inches total cut off. (Yes, James, THAT is what I was talking about!) its all layered and quite fun and bouncy. But I miss my long hair mucho! Oh well, my hair feels so much healthier now! The biggest downfall to this haircut is I have to use a curling iron, ortherwise it looks dumb. Looks like every morning shift I work my hair will be pulled back, like today, haha.

I'm really really tired this morning. I don't know why, I got to bed at a decent hour lastnight. I can't stop yawning and I just want a nap. Ugh. I worked black friday. It wasn't half bad. Its not like we are wal-mart or toys-r-us or something, which is good. We were busy but we had pleanty of what was on sale and there were no fights. Woohoo!

Monday is the big day! My birthay! I'm pretty excited, but at the same time really bummed out. Everyone is going home tomorrow so save for a few local friends, I'm pretty much on my own. Oh well, those that are involved are going to make it everything they can! Well, I should go. I am working, after all!!

Wow. It really seems like I update this thing when I am waiting to board my plane to Florida. Haha, its like the only time I ever slow down long enough to actually gather my thoughts!

Its hard to even fathom that my first trip to the Sunshine state this year was highlighted by a trip to my first ever Spring Training game. And here I sit at my gate, and those same guys are waiting to play the first game of the World Series. Wow. A suprise even I didn't see coming.

Thursdays game was......intense. It was definately a roller coaster. And I don't mean that in the emotions-are-up-and-down kind of way. I'm talking more along the lines of when you get on a roller coaster and you get settled in your seat and you're so excited, you can't wait for the ride to start, and then it does and your stomach does that little flip...and you start going up the big first hill....and you see how big the drop is going to be...and all of the sudden you reeeeeally wish you were back down on the ground, and you're wondering why you even got on the ride to begin with. THAT is what Thursdays game was like for me. And I STILL can't believe it ended the way it did. As fans, we are so lucky. We really are. And I am so proud of this team. No matter what I saw the greatest game I could ever see. Its been a wild ride.

I'm really excited about this trip though, too. I'm a little nervous to leave my routine that has apparently gotton the cards through thusfar. But I really trust that my little rituals couldn't REALLY effect the outcome.....right? Haha. Anyway, back to what I was saying before. Florida. Sunshine. Warmth. HALLOWEEN PARTY!!! I'm seriously so excited to find out what this shindig is all about, and I really have to admit, my sister and I have the BEST costumes!!! I'm not gonna tell you exactly what we're going to be....but I'll be sure to post the sure-to-be awesome pictures! Gah! I can't wait! We're gonna be SEXY!!!!

Okay, go cards! I'll be home Tuesday!!

Date:	2006-09-11 12:01
Subject:	I'll miss you, Steve Irwin!
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad

I thought this was so cute. I just had to share.

What a summer this has been thusfar! Okay, who am I kidding, its 95% over. But no worries, I have no regrets for how I've spent my summer.

I have been spending quite a bit of time reconnecting with some old high school friends, which is totally cool. Amy and I have been spending every day with eachother, and I've been having a blast! I'm really going to miss her while I'm in florida...

Speaking of florida......I'm sitting at my gate at the airport, waiting to board. I'm off for a 10 day extravaganza which will include god only knows! I'm flying by the seat of my pants, and I love it!! I'm really excited to not have to go to work for the next 10 days. That's really the appealing part. Other than seeing my sister, and going to the beach....and going to disney world! Ahhh I'm just plain old excited!!!!!!

Okay, I'm going to crack open my book, and wait for boarding. (Which is in about 45 minutes!!) I love you all!!!

I've been reading everyones posts about how they got their power back. No such luck here! I've mostly been surviving on my sidekick, and naps. The weather hasn't been too too bad, the second night was the worst so far. I have a feeling we're not going to have power until Monday or Tuesday. And that particularly sucks because Larraine comes home on Monday. Oops. Typical.

I've been spending a lot of time with my friend Amy. Even before the power went out. Its good to be seeing here more. I've prolly seen her more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 years. Which is kind of sad, but I'm glad things are coming around for the better.

Lastnight I went to a get together with a bunch of my high school girl friends (and Austin joined us, too!) it was sooo much fun, and I'm really glad I went. We made cookie dough and laughed, just like we always have. Its fun to catch up and talk about who is pregnate, who is engaged, who is married, and who is divorcing.

Well, Amy is here now and we are eating Mac & Cheese! Lets hope we have power sometime soon! I'm dying!!!

Date:	2006-06-06 15:06
Subject:	Umm...whopes!
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

So today will be my first game at the New Busch stadium. I am soooooo excited.

Just a few minutes ago, my mom says to me "Why don't we look up our seats on the seating chart??"

So I go and I search for our seats. Our section is no where to be found! We bought our tickets the day they went on sale....maybe they changed section numbers?? Or maybe they printed it wrong. section 205. Hmm...here is a section 250...maybe thats it. Well, it says "Redbird row" on the tickets. So its section 205, redbird row. Well....I can't find redbird row either. What the heck is going on??

As I'm searching, straining my eyes on the tiny seating chart, mom exclaims "Oooo....I found it!!"

"Where?"

"I clicked on Party facilites seating chart"

"Mom, don't be stupid, we didn't get a party room. *Click*"

"Well, it says section 205!"

"*Face drops* This must be a mistake"

*Checks closer*

*Jaw drops*

"HOLY CRAP! WE HAVE A PARTY ROOM!!!"

Oooooooooooppps..........

The origional intention of this post was to say I'm excited about going to the game. No I'm SUPER DUPER excited. Many a photograph will be taken!!! Expect a photo post late tonight or early tomorrow!!!

Date:	2006-06-05 13:13
Subject:	GO CARDINALS!
Security:	Public
Mood:	giddy

I saw this in the stlcardinals community and HAD to repost it. Ahahahahahah....




Hahahahhahahahahahahah.....

Oh yeah....LESS THAN ONE WEEK!!!!!!!

Date:	2006-06-01 01:41
Subject:	Another photo post!
Security:	Public
Mood:	energetic

Sorry about all the pictures under this cut....I've been wanting to do this for a long long time....and I wanted to do it just right. This is a whole hodge podge of pictures from the past few months....all of the fun that I have been having. I love all of you! :-)

Date:	2006-05-31 23:39
Subject:	Quick post!
Security:	Public
Mood:	silly

Here is a quick post about my day today! I went out to the famous Keyesport....and I brought along my camera. I am only posting the really good ones. Much love!